I'm engaged to the love of my life!

I still stand firm in my belief that you can't force something you don't feel and when you find the right person ~ you WILL know because when you know you know. I always lived in the fantasy of one day meeting someone and feeling that absolute certainty of meeting my partner in life and love but for many years I assumed I just wasn't meant to find love, I just wasn't meant to meet someone who felt the same way I did about him.

With many years of failed relationships under my belt and being that 'desperate girl" begging the next guy to not walk out of my life and changing the person I am just in the hope that they would stay, I started to become the girl who was afraid of "forever" commitment. I had a common thread running through my relationships, I would push the decent guys away and treat them like crap but beg the bad boys to stay.

I had been struggling in an on/off relationship I wanted so badly for three years and I constantly made excuses for why it kept failing but yet I still ran back. I started losing friends dear to me because I was so consumed with wanting to make him love me like I loved him that I shut off the world around me.

Finally, one night I sat on my bed and just said out loud..."I've had enough, no more and it is ok to be alone"...admitting this and accepting this was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

Meeting Wayne...

Wayne and I had met at a party before but according to him I paid him no attention and why would I, I was with my partner at the time and I'm that type of girl. When I am in a relationship I don't pay attention to other men. Needless to say I had seen Wayne at gym a few times after the party but as he will tell you, I still didn't notice him. Wayne gave up his attempt to get my attention and thought he would leave me be as I had a boyfriend and I seemed like a stuck up girl.

I apparently friend requested Wayne on FB....according to him, according to me...I don't recall doing this. Anyway on my birthday he sent me a birthday wish and I remembered him as the guy from gym that knew people I knew and that guy that I had said hi to in passing at the party so I thanked him for the wishes and added that I hoped he was well. Of course he replied  and thought he would try his luck and ask me if I would like to train with him at the gym and perhaps go for a cup of coffee. I was single by this time and at first I remember saying to myself.." No I'm not going to go, I am tired of guys and being hurt" but then just thought what the heck for three years you have basically lived in a box, time to get out there and meet new people, so I went and I had to best day ever ~ no expectations, just pure fun and laughter. I knew from that moment on that he would change my life and to be honest that scared me...

So I ran from him...straight back into the arms of my previous boyfriend, a big part of me knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life, leopards don't change their spots ( unless they grow up and really want to) but I believed all the promises yet again. For those almost three months I was miserable, I missed Wayne and cried most nights at how stupid I had been to let something so good, something that felt so right...go.

Once again I reached that point and said enough is enough but this time it felt different, for the first time in three years I stood up for myself and grew a back bone. I refused to be manipulated further and I ended things and left. Heartbroken and fearing change, I knew that this was it, I was never going back but I felt a sense of relief and peace come over me that day.

Fast forward a few weeks...

Wayne and I got in touch again and got to talking. We decided to spend time together, time to really get to know one another, as friends but that didn't last very long and my fear of commitment turned into...I want to do this forever with him. We started dating and the rest was history.

We really have a strong bond, a bond I have never felt with any of my past relationships. He is my best friend, lover and soulmate and I am so blessed that God allowed our paths to cross and then cross again. He is so amazing, no words would ever be able to describe just how amazing he really is. He loves me unconditionally and he has taught me what true love really is.

The proposal...

Wayne took me away for the night to Lagoon beach hotel, he said we needed a stress free night away.We had lunch on the pool deck and gazed across the ocean at the view of table mountain. We had couples massages and relaxed in our room. We bought snacks and cuddled while we watched the rugby, something I have missed doing as our lives have just been so crazy busy. For dinner we had Wang Thai, one of my favourite restaurants...who doesn't like Thai food?!

 

I was none the wiser because through all of that he never proposed or acted weird at all. The morning came and we got dressed for breakfast and packed our bags. Breakfast was great, we chatted and looked at the gorgeous view.

After breakfast we had decided we were going to go for a walk on the beach to take a few pictures of Table mountain and the beauty that surrounded us and so we did.

I could stare at this view for days...

Walking on the beach we passed a bench to sit on and he suggested we sit, while I turned around to look if the bench was clean, he got on one knee. When I turned around I was greeted with my boyfriend down on one knee and so many things ran through my mind in that split second. I cannot possibly tell you everything as I cannot even remember. I remember tears filling up in my eyes instantly and putting my hands over my mouth in shock.

Yet another moment in my life I will never forget

The moment he said those words...Tarrin Hagan, will you marry me...I felt like my heart jumped out of my chest. I felt so many emotions in one go.

Wayne Loxton thank you for changing my life for the better and for being the best thing that ever happened to me, thank you for allowing me to feel with absolute certainty that I have found my partner in life and love and thank you for loving me for me ...I love you

Love the future Mrs Loxton