The Birth Story of Camden Kingsley Loxton

I loved you from the very start,

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

Our life together has just begun

You’re part of me my little one.

As mother with child, each day I grew,

My mind was filled with thoughts of you.

I’d daydream of the things we’d share,

Like late-night bottles and Teddy bears.

Like first steps and skinned knees,

Like bedtime stories and ABC’s.

I thought of things you’d want to know,

Like how birds fly and flowers grow.

I thought of lessons I’d need to share,

Like standing tall and playing fair.

When I first saw your precious face,

I prayed your life be touched with grace.

I thanked the angels from above,

And promised you unending love.

Each night I lay you down to sleep,

I gently kiss your head and cheek.

I count your little fingers and toes;

I memorize your eyes and nose.

I linger at your nursery door,

Awed each day I love you more.

Through misty eyes, I dim the light,

I whisper, “I love you” every night.

I loved you from the very start,

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

As mother and child our journey begins,

My heart’s yours forever little one.

~unknown~

 

This felt like just the other day....and now look where we are...."started from the bottom..." 

"...now we here"

 

We walked into Panorama Hospital as a couple and left as a family and our lives have changed so much and for the better....

Camden Kingsley Loxton, 
Born 17.07.2014 at 08:06am. 
52cm and 3.890kg

 

Camden's Birth Story ~

The day had arrived...The day our little boy was now scheduled to make his appearance into OUR world     (see the blog post on the change in plans). 

Confession time...I had packed the hospital bags months ago...lol, yes I'm a freak like that...so on the 17th of July my alarm went off at 4 am, I opened my eyes, not that I had really been sleeping much from excitement but mostly nerves, looked at my phone and got the best news ever. Our birth Photographer Marysol would in fact be making our birth. There was a massive chance she would not have made it as she was at another unexpected birth and she wasn't sure that, that baby would arrive before having to meet us but the baby arrived at 2 am and she messaged to say she would see us at 6 am at the hospital. I was so releaved. 

Not long after reading her message the fear set in but I played it cool. I showered, GHD'd my hair, put on a little bit of make-up - why can't a girl look decent for this special occasion lol, you swear I was preparing for my last day here on earth. Well, I was kind of afraid that something may go wrong in theatre after all the horror stories I had heard. I then packed the last few goodies, like my toothbrush,  hair brush and of course my make-up...can't go anywhere without that lol into my bag and I got dressed. 

We were scheduled to be at the hospital at 6 am and yes I do faf when getting ready but this was one occasion where I was on time, but I think due to Wayne's nerves or perhaps the pure excitement of wanting to meet his son, he was rushing me to the point I had to ask him to please chill out and stop rushing me as he was making me feel more anxious.

Not long after that, I hugged and kissed my mom goodbye, as she wished me good luck I felt a massive lump appear in my throat and tears started to form in my eyes...I turned my back and walked away...told myself to get it together and I did...For that moment...

We arrived at the hospital, on time...With a few minutes to spare - high five to me! We were told to take a seat as I had already completed all my admission paperwork months before,yes I'm that organised. Then our amazing birth Photographer arrived looking as fresh as ever,not like someone who had been awake for hours on end for the previous birth she was photographing. She came wearing a smile and I immediately felt relaxed. I remember my head was throbbing and all I wanted to do was take a panado but I couldn't have anything to drink or eat from 10 pm the night before.

Eventually the porter came to fetch us in the reception waiting area and escorted us to the maternity ward. This was the moment where it all sunk in..."this is for real...oh God, please no...I'm not ready"...I wanted to run a mile and it took everything for me to not cry.I just kept quiet as we rode the elevator. 

In the maternity ward I was shown to my private room...room 15...and this is when the chaos set in...nurses everywhere,  giving me instructions. Pee in this cup, I need your finger to test your sugar levels, give me your arm, I need to test your blood pressure, turn your head towards me so I can take your temperature,all of this while they were trying to hook me up to a stress test monitor to see the baby's activity levels and ask me 1001 questions and trying to get me to complete forms while another nurse keeps telling me there issd not much activity happening with baby.This was extremely stressful for me.Way too many people in one go and then the anaesthetist rocked up to introduce himself and explain how the spinal block would work in theatre ~ The moment I had dreaded all 9 months was happening right there...besides wanting to have natural birth because of the benefits to your baby, I had never wanted to opt for a c-section as I had dreaded that needle being stuck in my back...from that moment on I was petrified, the anaesthetist left saying, "I will see you in theatre at 7.30 and we will cut at 8".

I still had nurses coming in every 2 minutes asking me to pee in that blady cup...I wanted to ask them how the hell they expected me to do that when I was tied up to the fetal monitor.

A few minutes passed again and more nurses came in and the one said, "why is she not dressed yet, she is late for theatre"...er,  maybe because I'm still attached to the monitor you idiot...mad rush, monitor was taken off and I had to quickly change...and let's not forget pee in that cup...my favourite thing to do with a 9 month pregnant boep...aim to pee in the tiniest cup ever without getting it all over your hands!

With all of that over, I got back into bed and they immediately started wheeling me off to theatre.Poor Wayne and Marysol had only been given their scrubs at the last minute so I remember poor Marysol running with camera in hand to catch up with us. 

As they wheeled me out of the maternity ward I remember seeing my mom in the waiting room and I shouted..."mom"...my mom said she could see the fear in my eyes...she said, "good luck, don't worry it will all be fine", and that is when I started to cry...There is something about having your mother by your side no matter how old you are and she wasn't coming into theatre with me...

They wheeled me into theatre ( Wayne and Marysol behind us) and put me into my waiting bay next to all the other people waiting to be operated on. I sat there for all of 2 minutes while some nurse introduced herself and explained something to me, then off they wheeled me again. This time I was on my own in the operating theatre so the anaesthetist could administer the spinal block. The theatre staff and anaesthetist were all really nice and this put me at ease. I was however shaking and again the tears started to fill my eyes...I was one big bag of emotions and fear, why I do not know as I am usually so tough but I guess this was all "the unknown" he administered local anaesthetic and then the spinal block...I felt no needle prick but I could feel the spinal block working its way through my system and the feeling in my legs started to fade away.They asked me to lay back down and I could hardly move my legs by this time. The worst feeling for me,I hate not being in control. The rest of the doctors came in along with my gynae.  I started to feel nauseas and gag non stop. The anaesthetist then administered some anti nausea into my drip and I felt better in an instant. Wayne and Marysol were brought into theatre shortly after this. 

I was so scared when I saw Wayne I started to cry again but in my high state I told myself to pull it together as I didn't want Wayne to see my weak side. I was so out of it...I kept yawning and telling Wayne, I'm tired I just need to take a nap.He was trying to keep me awake for the birth of our child and they had already prepped me and started cutting but I didn't feel a thing besides them pushing down on my hip bones and a tugging sensation,well that's what it felt like to me.I heard my gynae say..."he has a big head I need some help" and I asked Wayne "am I cut open?".I was in shock,how could I be cut open already.Wayne replied "yes babe,I can see his head already". There was a look of panic on Wayne's face and I remember being too high to understand what was going on or why he had that look on his face and that is when I heard it...Our little boys cry for the first time and I turned to Wayne and saw the look of relief on his face and tears in his eyes. My gynae lifted the baby to show me. I stared in disbelief while tears filled my eyes and I thought to myself, had that just come out of me? Everything really happened so fast in theatre but once Camden was out of my tummy I remember following him with my eyes where ever they took him. I watched Wayne cut the cord and I smiled while tears ran down my cheeks. I couldn't really comprehend much in theatre, I just knew it was an emotional moment.

They eventually brought Camden to me all wrapped up. They placed him so high on my chest I could barely see him without squinting. All I remember was him screaming and me staring at him in disbelief. I rubbed his head with my one finger,so unsure and feeling helpless as he cried and cried, what was I supposed to do? I felt weird and at one stage wished they would take him away as he wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do. 

Eventually they took him away with Wayne to be measured and weighed while they stitched me up, I just remember laying there while they all discussed the cricket score and what was going on in Gaza. 

Once they were done,  they slid me off the operating table onto my hospital bed and wheeled me into recovery. This was a pretty crappy moment for me as I lay there while some friendly Nigerian male nurse constantly checked my vital signs, my vaginal bleeding and he kept putting ice on my nipples asking me if I could feel anything and moaning at me to tell me to breathe heavier and to please stop falling asleep...all I could think of was wanting to be with my two boys. Eventually after what felt like forever (only fifteen minutes) they wheeled me to my room in the maternity ward and I remember them bringing Camden in and Wayne followed right behind him...After that everything was pretty much a blur again. I remember Marysol my birth Photographer trying to help me to get Camden to latch so he could feed as I had never breastfed before in my life and the lactation consultant was not able to assist me that day,only the next as she was on reception duty...never in my entire life, wtf?! Yes sure, no problem I will let my child starve and you can come and help me the next day?!

I had visitors in and out most of the day after Camden's birth. I don't remember much as I was pumped full of morphine. Thinking back now I feel robbed of those first few moments with my son. Yes, I cried in theatre but I was too high too take the moment in, I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of love for Wayne and when Camden was born I cried tears of joy but I now know those were tears of joy coupled with the sensation of being so high off my face and the thought  "OMG is that a baby...was that inside of me?"

The best moment for me wasn't even when they lifted Camden over the curtain for me to see, the best moment was what followed at 5 am, so technically the next day.My alarm went off and like clockwork they wheeled him into my room for his feed. The morphine had worn off and I was way more myself, I asked the nurse the hand him to me as I couldn't move for obvious reasons. She placed him in my arms and left my room. All alone with this little boy in my arms, I just stared at him and I mean stared at him. Seconds later I burst into uncontrollable tears, they wouldn't stop, they just kept rolling down my cheeks no matter how much I wiped them away more came rolling down...it felt as though my heart was being ripped from my chest with the overflow of love and all I kept saying out loud with my lip quivering, was "my beautiful boy..my beautiful, beautiful boy".I have never loved something so much in such a short space of time...and this is when I realised what "love at first sight" truly felt like,none of that butterfly, empty stomach feeling when you think you've fallen head over heels for that hot guy you met for the firs time, THIS was some feeling I could never describe to any female.You would have to experience it for yourself to be able to understand what that exact moment felt like to me ( let me just wipe away my tears here again)

My experience in Panorama hospital was not one I would write home about. I am not one to complain about crap service but they really were just that, crap. I couldn't wait to get home but that is a whole other story for another rainy day.

~ Camden coming into our life is truly a blessing from God and I will thank God until the day I die.

To Marysol: 

I am so thankful, words will never be able to describe what an amazing person you are, besides your professionalism, the fantastic photos you took and how you captured this once in a lifetime moment of ours, you became a friend and without you I think there would have been a few moments where Wayne and I might have fallen apart,but you held it together for us. How will we ever repay you?  You were my friend, photographer, doula and breastfeeding consultant all rolled into one on that day and I feel a sense of sadness that our journey with you has come to an end....not really, but for now anyway ;)

I wish you nothing but the best and cannot wait to see pictures and watch the videos you put together of other families happy moments.

T xx ( Wayne and Camden)